letting go

OK I am not good at letting go.

is it the mother in me, is it the me in me?

don't know, but I am not good at letting go.

I still want to have control of the food situations, and while sometimes that works, more often-- now that my child is old enough to "do it myself" -- it does not and I am caught in the hailstorm of "why didn't you leave it to me."

So I try to be hands off, and let my supremely capable child take care of it.

Maybe it's that I want to continue to protect him; maybe it's because I want to shield my child from the harsh world out there and the hard realities of the limitations of his diet.

Or maybe it's just a habit.

Or maybe it's that I am trying to prove I'm perfect and not listening to anyone else... gee I really hope it's not that because that makes me seem very limited myself.

So I struggle on, not quite winning the battle of doing it all, not quite not doing it all.

reflections from a very rainy afternoon in NY

COLLEGE

Apologies-- some of my blogs over last months have been in a glitch-- so am reprinting one here--about college choice.

College has been picked__ it's one where we were lucky enough to have eaten lunch. Lucky in that we know it and saw with our own six eyes that there is kosher and gluten-free and plain burgers and steamed veggie separate from other things and lots of people getting special meals.

YAY.

Plus website is terrific about it--so people must be too.

and anyway--it's a great place even if he has to keep a fridge with his own stuff --he'll be getting a phenomenal education with what looks like a bunch of bright engaged kids!

I think we-- and by that I mean the collective we-- have always tried to show our kids that the world is a wide open place where life is good and is not all about limits. Limits exist for everyone, and we shouldn't put them on ourselves, nor should we ignore their realities. But overall, we can choose many many options--even if one of them is always eating steak and potatoes because the company is good. As my son says "it's all good."

And, it is.

graduation up and coming

Unbelievably high school graduation is around the corner-- and who knew that every single solitary event is centered on food-- and who knew there were so many events...

Senior lunch, BBQ day, headmaster dinner, prom, pre-prom, post prom....graudation luncheon-- throw in an outside event or two and it's over the top asking about menus and making calls about safety.

And then there's the discussion of: when shall we talk to the food services folks at college, and how does one go about that-- there's the crowd who feels that single rooms make one safer and are a must; then there;s the group who feel that the in the real world there are no single rooms--so get used to it.

I just want to know that my child is safe, and can be safe and will be safe-- and then there's all that stuff about food-- just kidding, I mean I want my child safe from all harmful things, and in the big scheme of things, I think food can be pretty controllable even if it's hard to do and takes a serious lot of planning.

more late,

and Happy Mother's Day everyone out there.

Fried Chicken

it's 7:00 . Your teen walks in after tennis practice, saying "I don;'t know why but I'm craving fried chicken."

Well so much for hamburgers and roasted acorn squash.

I get out a 2 quart pot, start pouring the oil (OK so it's olive oil, I'm Italian it's all I had enough of)

and get it going on low. (that way it won't burn)

Then I grab my Orgran gluten-free sandwich bread mix-- pour that in a bowl with lots and lots of salt and pepper. I'm ready to go.

I coat the chicken pieces (I used thighs and wings)

and into the "fryer" --via tongs--they go. BTW--the oil is hot enough if a drop of water sizzles and "boils"

One thigh at a time, but two wings-- give 'em room. and turn up the heat a bit.

6-7 minutes a "side" I tong them out-- and put on a plate with paper towels... it's hot so let it sit a bit.

They look super crispy and smell heavenly (my whole building will smell heavenly!)

Yummy-- the recipe for a happy kid (and, if tired, mom)

Birthday Parties

+it's been ages I know-- and finally the recipes work again, sorry for the delay and I'll be loading new ones soon-- made a great gumbo (no tomatoes)-- andyes, okra, why is it that men don't like okra?

Well we've had two b-day's for my son this week-- one his friends did, but asked me to make the cake(and get him to the restaurant--hairraising) and tonight the family party. It was great and the layers totally were terrific. I use Duncan Hines dark chocolate frosting-- no nuthing in it and they have removed the
"made in a factory with milk and nut product" from the label... so i guess it's safe now. we have NEVER had an issue.

Also, as many of you have done as well, I was shopping and chatting with other people in the cramped Gluten Free aisle at my specialty market-- and one woman recommended "The Cravings Place" mixes. Only on Amazon on the east coast-- company from Seattle.

Well-- the coffe cake crumble was delicious-- I made coffee cake muffins that are yummy. Bravo to the Cravings Place-- and only need to add water and margarine. (vegan too I think) I will now try some of their other mixes.

Still prefer Gluten Free Pantry to Cherrybrook Farms for yellow cake mix-- but can't beat the Cherrybrook chocolate chip mix (gluten free) .

Yikes enough about dessert-- what about a kid who;s turning 18-- how DID that happen. oh my! Till next time.

"Get Over It" or how to grow a great kid

Did anyone read the Vogelstein article in NYTimes magazine about three weeks ago-- about FAT DIET- and epilepsy. Quite interesting about disease and how food is helping very measured and very restricted diet. But kid is stabilized. I had to write him-- partially to let him know that he should not whine so much: his wife quit her job to cook for kid, can't eat birthday cake, planning for events, playdates, sleepovers difficult-- join the club. I told him I fell somewhere between compassion and "get over it." Life is different from what we thought-- well, yeah. And it hurts when your kid can't eat birthday cake-- sure does, and it's your job to puton the brave face and say-- builds character, that's life and you'll be OK and the alternative _-eating the forbidden food-- can really be dangerous and hug and hug and hug.

Sure it stinks, but better than the ER or worse. And, as I did tell him too, the adversity makes our kids stronger, mature, responsible and ready for anything-- not necessarily all great at a young age, but if you've got to deal, at least there's a good outcome...

We're building the leaders and doers of tomorrow (for some of us tomorrow is moving ever closer!)

So cheer up i told him-- our world can inform your world with Bento boxes, nutritionist, support groups and just knowing you're not alone...

Hope I came across as, ultimately, helpful and not snarky-- but really, a lot of us have been dealing for a long time, and one can; one has to!

and now...Guess what I'm doing-- you're right-- thinking what to make for lunch. I've gotten tres boring-- and luckily my kid doesn't have a lot of time for lunch so doesn't notice. soon.

Happy New Year- and food allergy management standards published

Happy New Year.

I hope that everyone has a good, safe and adventurous year. That's what I want. And I know with a kid going off to college the adventure is built in.

Note that FAAN has worked hard on standardizing food allergy diagnoses and “Guidelines for the Diagnosis and Management of Food Allergy in the United States” was published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology. in early December. yay.

This means that in California or Michigan food allergies will be diagnosed and deal with in the same way. This might even mean more physicians will understand the management of food allergies and certainly this article will have an impact on how allergists outside the big food allergy hospitals will help their patients. I think it's great and a strong step forward for education.

Holiday cheer and frustration

It's two weeks before Christmas . You get an email about a special breakfast at school. you call the head of the cafeteria, and you ask what the ingredients will be in the potatoes. You silently say thank you because the hash browns are safe.

But on the morning of that special breakfast, you realize that no matter what you've done, or sent-- the bagel with sausage, the breakfast empanada, the chocolate chips-- it still is miserable for your son to sit and watch his classmates of 12 years be served waffles, omelettes, pancakes, sausage by their teachers, and he is not. He goes to the kitchen to ask for his plate-- and the head has forgotten, no blame here there's 50 kids and lots of other holiday requests, but still.

They say misery loves company, but I think our kids often suffer it alone, not wanting to share their frustrations with others or get upset in public. Not saying we don't get the call, but I wish there were a way to have them not be so isolated.

I always say, the worst it can be is terrible-- and that morning, I guess I was right.

So here's the new look of my website-- easier to comment and chat (aka-blog) and all is good. Hope you all like it!

Asking for ...favors?

For the first time in the 13 years we've been at one school, I have asked the head of the kitchen to prepare a meal for my kid. She's been willing in the past, but he hasn't. not safe, not fast enough and didn't want to be singled out.

but today I did.

It's breakfast-- which is the hardest meal for us to make anything special or portable. We usually bring Cheerios... a big fan-- and maybe order bacon or home fries if not in butter or on an eggy grill.

Thanks-giving

I gave lots of thanks this Thursday-- we had a lovely day, and I was thankful for another gathering of family and friends. i was thankful that my brother made a bunch of completely safe veggies-- so that I didn't have to, and that my gluten free stuffing turned out great without my having to bake bread.

I was thankful that my child is safe and well-- allergies are doable. And as we visit colleges I realize that not only are they doable-- he can manage them fine.

I was thankful that I am not in this alone, and that my many friends -- usually not in this city-- in this allergyworld are there for advice and comfort and support.

And, mostly, I am thankful that I can see the realities of this food allergy stuff, and am not overwhelmed by it (usually) or made angry by it. I want to live this life fully, and not be thinking "oh shucks this stinks" because in reality-- I'm living the dream-- and thank you Curtis Zimmerman!

FAAN Teen Summit

As usual-- wow-- Teen Summit was great. Lots of kids and parents sharing their ideas and anxieties and laughter. Mostly about the sharing, and the friendships-- I get to see a number of great friends only this once a year. We spend the time together and just hang out talking about our kids (no surprise) and watching the kids relax among friends. Everybody gets it!!!

and, it always reminds me that other families have it way harder than I do-- either more severe reactions, or school districts that are difficult, or they've just found out, or bullying-- really brings great perspective to my life.

exhausting, but so fun.

I learned that Bacon on a salad bar line is really SOY and flavorings.... who knew.

I learned lots of other things too-- about anxiety and distress and that peanuts don't aerosolize on airplanes (which have very good air circulation systems) and that keeping a kid home from a school trip isn't the best thing to do for protection. offer to go along, send food (obviously) and have the child advocate for self. isolation and withdrawal are not options!

college visiting

Hi there all you parents of college seniors... or juniors. I'm here to tell you that while it's not always pretty (I'm not getting out of the car, I don't like the look of the place) college visiting is not bad --allergy wise.

All colleges we have looked at have been accommodating--at least on paper-- about allergies. The cafeterias have been easy to negotiate and most have Vegan and Veggie and kosher areas that offer a variety of foods without eggs and dairy which is good. Most places I've seen also have a gluten free area including toasters-- so that's good too.

We recently had lunch in one of the college cafs --my son ate from his previously packed lunch-- college visits are no time for accidents! As we inspected, I saw that the staff used separate utensils for each dish served; there was little spill over-- at the hot service bins, the salad bar was a different story. and there were a number of options for my multiple food allergic son: kosher roasted chicken, white rice, plain burgers and fries, roasted "steak" and steamed vegetables-- choice actually.

The salad bar was OK, but the dressings were a little sloppy -- ingredients were listed for every meal, including the allergens, on easily visible cards. And the servers were more than happy to help me with ingredients and with labels.

It was a relief, but also the slamming knowledge again of how every day these allergies are a negotiation in life, a task, a risk.

I know that our kids are up to it, just wish they didn't have to be.

Routine and last post vanished--

Hi my last post vanished... just as I was publishing-- I was commenting that it's hard to get back into routine again, seems that lunch and dinner are just coming more quickly... I know I sound silly, but it's true. Last weekend had to do 2 dinner, 3 lunches and 2 breakfasts--for packable and nonperishable as there was a school trip and didn't think the pack was going in a refrigerator for most of the time. Chicken is good for that-- steak-- and LOTS of veggies--carrots, celery, olives, and lots of rice cakes too.

And it is hard to get back into the routine-- was summer just so carefree and laissez-faire? I guess so, food and bedtimes!

and I am searching for some hearty foods-- especially carbs-- that travel well and aren't too hard to pack or eat. my breads are pretty lame-- they never get browned and they are a bit spongey if not able to toast... there's rice and beans I do that a fair amount with a small thermos; and cereal plus rice cakes (ahh the proverbial rice cakes) . Need more-- and can't quite get the rhythm down of packing lunch that is different every day-- or at least varies..

more soon

how you feeling????

Not been writing for a while-- busy on my cookbook--THAT NO ONE WILL ACQUIRE. If anyone knows a publisher out there looking for a great everyday allergy cookbook-- let me know!

I've gotten some nice comments and mostly some notes on how the marketplace is too niche ... but this is a great product, and crosses the line away from allergy too-- since the food's family oriented and made with regular (read "non-health-food -store- only") ingredients.

oh well, will keep on getting out there to hawk it. :)